Ogopogo Stamp
If the Ogopogo's on a stamp, doesn't that mean he's dead?
Or is this another cover-up?
Or is this another cover-up?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Hydrobios
Jose: Bad news.
Lobo: Cover-up.
Jose: They're after the prize money.
At present, human beings' research on hydrobios has generally reached a very high level, the scientists have left their footmarks almost in all main lakes of the globe, and have mastered the basic characteristics of hydrobios, including the food chain of local living things.
In the eyes of ordinary natural lovers, "lake monsters" as rumored have a mysterious color. But as far as scientists are concerned, there is nothing worth studying. As a matter of fact, in a fairly long period of time from now on, human beings have not really discovered any large mammals unknown in the past.
Lobo: Cover-up.
Jose: They're after the prize money.
Dog Sauce
Al: I imagine Lobo'll be the guest of honor... Or should be.
Lobo: We need to have an Ogopogo Conference.
On a houseboat.
That's alls I'm sayin'.
Al: With sauce for Alcalde to dip into before he jumps into the lake as bait.
Alcalde: What flavor sauce?
Al: You decide.
Jose: You can't just let Alcalde decide. This has to be based on a scientific assessment of what the Ogopogo would find tasty.
Al: You're right... Hmm... You decide.
Lobo: The legend says the indians used to carry dogs in their canoes to throw in the water off Skeleton Island just in case Ogie appeared.
So I think he should dip into Dog Flavored Sauce before he dives.
Jose: But what did the Indians marinate the dogs in? I'll bet it wasn't dog-flavored sauce, because what would be the point of that?
Lobo: I'll bet it was Dog-flavored sauce because that way the Ogopgo would be twice as distracted.
Think about it.
Jose: Ah, good point. So is it enough if Alcalde just wears his Wet Dog cologne?
Lobo: I think he will need to sew floppy ears on his wetsuit and bark underwater from time to time.
Al: He should also carry a bone in his mouth.
Lobo: Agreed. Looks like we're all set!
Jose: Well, that just silly. How can he bark underwater if he has a bone in his mouth? The bone would fall out at the first bark!
Al: Hmm... You're right... We'll just tether the bone to him so he can put it back in his mouth after each bark.
Lobo: He can kind of bark those breathy, growly noises that dogs do when they have things in their mouths. It's not that hard. We can make Alcalde rehearse before he dives.
Al: Yeah, a dress rehearsal would be important so we'd know he's doing it right. Good point.
Jose: The floppy ears should really help him get into the role!
Al: Should he wear a fake nose, too?
Jose: Definitely. And when he goes underwater, the nose will get wet, and that will mean that he's healthy. Until he gets et, anyway.
Al: I think this is pretty much settled, then.
Al: So, just to get this straight, when Alcalde does the Ogopogo bait thing he'll:
Lobo: I think that's a pretty tidy plan. Complete.
Jose: Sounds about right. I'm not sure what flavor of dog sauce we should use. What would the Ogopogo find most tasty? Chihuahua?
Al: Frankly, I've never heard of dog sauce. Did Lobo bring that up? Maybe he should decide what kind of dog sauce flavor should be used.
Jose: What's Alcalde doing in Alaska, anyway? Is he going to work for one of those fish-packing places? I knew a guy who did that for a summer. He worked 16-hour days and made a bunch of money and came back smelling of fish. If Alcalde comes back all fishy-smelling, will the Ogopogo be able to smell the dog sauce? Will the Ogopogo go for the fish smell or will he just be disgusted? I hope Alcalde doesn't end up spoiling everything.
Al: Hmm... You've got a point. It's just like Alcalde to do something dumb and spoil things for everyone else! Let's hope he does the right thing and stays fish-free.
Jose: It's weird, too, because he doesn't even like fish. Why would he go do something so stupid?
All's I can say is if he ruins his baitability, he owes us 2 mil Canadian!
Alcalde: You all really need to get a life.
Al: What are you talking about? When you get et by the Ogie, it'll be part of the Great Circle of Life! Didn't you watch the Lion King? And then we'll get much money which means better lives!
Jose: $2 million Canadian will buy a lot of life!
Al: Damned straight... Alcalde obviously doesn't understand that.
Lobo: We need to have an Ogopogo Conference.
On a houseboat.
That's alls I'm sayin'.
Al: With sauce for Alcalde to dip into before he jumps into the lake as bait.
Alcalde: What flavor sauce?
Al: You decide.
Jose: You can't just let Alcalde decide. This has to be based on a scientific assessment of what the Ogopogo would find tasty.
Al: You're right... Hmm... You decide.
Lobo: The legend says the indians used to carry dogs in their canoes to throw in the water off Skeleton Island just in case Ogie appeared.
So I think he should dip into Dog Flavored Sauce before he dives.
Jose: But what did the Indians marinate the dogs in? I'll bet it wasn't dog-flavored sauce, because what would be the point of that?
Lobo: I'll bet it was Dog-flavored sauce because that way the Ogopgo would be twice as distracted.
Think about it.
Jose: Ah, good point. So is it enough if Alcalde just wears his Wet Dog cologne?
Lobo: I think he will need to sew floppy ears on his wetsuit and bark underwater from time to time.
Al: He should also carry a bone in his mouth.
Lobo: Agreed. Looks like we're all set!
Jose: Well, that just silly. How can he bark underwater if he has a bone in his mouth? The bone would fall out at the first bark!
Al: Hmm... You're right... We'll just tether the bone to him so he can put it back in his mouth after each bark.
Lobo: He can kind of bark those breathy, growly noises that dogs do when they have things in their mouths. It's not that hard. We can make Alcalde rehearse before he dives.
Al: Yeah, a dress rehearsal would be important so we'd know he's doing it right. Good point.
Jose: The floppy ears should really help him get into the role!
Al: Should he wear a fake nose, too?
Jose: Definitely. And when he goes underwater, the nose will get wet, and that will mean that he's healthy. Until he gets et, anyway.
Al: I think this is pretty much settled, then.
Al: So, just to get this straight, when Alcalde does the Ogopogo bait thing he'll:
- Wear floppy ears.
- Wear a fake nose.
- Have a bone in his mouth.
- Make barking sounds, even though he might drop the bone, but that's okay 'cause it'll be tethered to him, or he can make barking sounds with the bone in his mouth.
- Be dipped in "dog sauce." What flavor?
- Undergo a dress rehearsal to make sure he gets his part right.
Lobo: I think that's a pretty tidy plan. Complete.
Jose: Sounds about right. I'm not sure what flavor of dog sauce we should use. What would the Ogopogo find most tasty? Chihuahua?
Al: Frankly, I've never heard of dog sauce. Did Lobo bring that up? Maybe he should decide what kind of dog sauce flavor should be used.
Jose: What's Alcalde doing in Alaska, anyway? Is he going to work for one of those fish-packing places? I knew a guy who did that for a summer. He worked 16-hour days and made a bunch of money and came back smelling of fish. If Alcalde comes back all fishy-smelling, will the Ogopogo be able to smell the dog sauce? Will the Ogopogo go for the fish smell or will he just be disgusted? I hope Alcalde doesn't end up spoiling everything.
Al: Hmm... You've got a point. It's just like Alcalde to do something dumb and spoil things for everyone else! Let's hope he does the right thing and stays fish-free.
Jose: It's weird, too, because he doesn't even like fish. Why would he go do something so stupid?
All's I can say is if he ruins his baitability, he owes us 2 mil Canadian!
Alcalde: You all really need to get a life.
Al: What are you talking about? When you get et by the Ogie, it'll be part of the Great Circle of Life! Didn't you watch the Lion King? And then we'll get much money which means better lives!
Jose: $2 million Canadian will buy a lot of life!
Al: Damned straight... Alcalde obviously doesn't understand that.
Solarbenite Plan
Lobo: You have to get a search permit, but it looks like the purse is getting bigger!
Jose: BFD. The real question is: When we catch the sturgeon or catfish or whatever it is, how are we going to dress it up in a reward-worthy Ogopogo-like manner?
Lobo: I'm not sayin' it's any big deal.
I'm just sayin' I need an Ogie break now and again, okay?
The real question is: What if we did have this solaranite [sic] bomb? We'd be an even stronger nation that we are now!
Jose: That's it! That's how we'll catch Ogie! We'll take a can of our gasoline and we'll pour a thin line of that gasoline from Ogie to the sun itself! And then something unclear happens, after which we will profit!
Lobo: Capital, my friend! You've hit the mark spot on! Bravo!
Jose: This is the kind of teamwork that will win us those big Canadian beaver-bucks. Working together is what this expedition is all about.
Except for Alcalde. He's always raining on our wet blanket.
Jose: BFD. The real question is: When we catch the sturgeon or catfish or whatever it is, how are we going to dress it up in a reward-worthy Ogopogo-like manner?
Lobo: I'm not sayin' it's any big deal.
I'm just sayin' I need an Ogie break now and again, okay?
The real question is: What if we did have this solaranite [sic] bomb? We'd be an even stronger nation that we are now!
Jose: That's it! That's how we'll catch Ogie! We'll take a can of our gasoline and we'll pour a thin line of that gasoline from Ogie to the sun itself! And then something unclear happens, after which we will profit!
Lobo: Capital, my friend! You've hit the mark spot on! Bravo!
Jose: This is the kind of teamwork that will win us those big Canadian beaver-bucks. Working together is what this expedition is all about.
Except for Alcalde. He's always raining on our wet blanket.
Marinade
Lobo: You have to get a search permit, but it looks like the purse is getting bigger!
Jose: "Search to be conducted between August 1, 2000 and September 1, 2001."
Do you think we'll make it?
Lobo: If we hurry.
I'll bet the prize is up to C$2.1 mil by now!
Houseboat Videotaped Alcalde Death Dive Mash!
Al: Hmm... It may be time to start marinating Alcalde...
Jose: What kind of marinade do you think Ogopogi prefer?
Jose: Alcalde keeps weaseling out, though. He's just not reliable. Maybe we should use Al instead.
Al: Nope, Alcalde's the designated bait. It's been established.
What kind of marinade do you think an Ogo would like?
Jose: Hey, that's what I just said!
Al: I asked you that! Anyway, maybe some kinda BBQ sauce? Whaddaya think: Mild, zesty, or what?
Jose: How about sweet and sour?
Al: I dunno... Spicy?
Lobo: Chipotle? Green Curry? Finlandia Eel?
Al: Keep it simple, dude.
Jose: Ooh! Thai peanut sauce!
Al: That's it!!! Peanut sauce it is!
Jose: Boy, I hope Ogie doesn't have a peanut allergy. That could spoil everything.
Al: Hmm... You're right... Oooo, I know, soy sauce!
Jose: I dunno, that's kinda salty. I'm thinking maybe spicy is the best way to go after all. Turn Alcalde into a giant buffalo wing.
Al: If that's the case, then Ogo may not like spicy. We don't wanna overdo it especially if it's too spicy. I say we go back to plain ol' BBQ sauce, regular flavor, right out of a jug. I suggest we go to Costco, buy an Alcalde-sized jug, and we're done.
Jose: I guess we are going to need a lot of it, and we don't want to cut into our profits too much.
Al: It shouldn't... Costco prices are very reasonable. Besides, Lobo's springing for the bbq sauce.
Alcalde: You guys are the best pals anyone could ask for. You're the greatest!
Al: Pals? Huh?
Jose: I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we genuinely care about you as bait.
Al: That's a fact... Um... I get the PowerMac when he gets et!
Alcalde: You care. I know you deeply care. That's what makes our friendship so special.
Al: Friendship? Man, you are deluded!
Jose: You betcha! We care somewhat!
You know, you could use some relaxation. Why not take a nice long soak in a tub full of barbecue sauce?
Al: Then, after a 4-hour soak or so, wrap yourself in plastic and you'll get really tender... Um... relaxed.
Jose: And he'll smell fabulous!
